FUNNY PEOPLE（素敵な人生の終わり方）その10
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20 INT. CAFE - DAY 20
Ira is writing jokes. The camera follows the words being written on a legal pad.
INT. IRA'S APARTMENT - DAY
Ira sits at a computer writing more jokes. Leo works with him.
IRA
How does the softball team at MySpace work? Does everyone get picked last?
LEO
At some point you should have George say, “Fuck Facebook.”
IRA
Fuck Facebook in the face.
LEO
That's funny. Tell George I wrote that, okay?
24.
CONTINUED: (3)
IRA (CONT’D)
(CONTINUED)
IRA
Totally.
LEO
Tell him, “Leo wrote that.”
IRA
Yeah, no, totally.
B21 INT. IRA'S APARTMENT - NIGHT B21
Ira sits in front of his computer eating a banana. He writes an email to George, attaches all the jokes he wrote. He pauses a moment, unsure, then hits send.
INT. IRA’S APARTMENT - DAY
A car beeps out front. Mark and Leo are at on the deck looking down at the street. Ira walks over to them.
MARK
Hey, Ira, I think this is him.
IRA
He’s got a limo.
LEO
Can we go out and meet him?
IRA
No, you can't say hi to him. Just let me get in with him a little more before I introduce people to him.
MARK
Don't kiss his ass too hard, alright? Stars hate it when you kiss their ass too hard. I hate it when people kiss my ass too hard.
LEO
(messing with Mark)
You do? You hate it when people kiss your ass too hard?
MARK
I hate it.
25.
CONTINUED:
INT./EXT. LIMO - MOMENTS LATER
Ira walks up to the limo. The door opens, Ira gets in.
IRA
Hey. I feel like I'm going to prom.
GEORGE
Well we're not.
(to limo driver)
Okay, let's hit it!
The limo drives through Los Angeles. George looks over the jokes Ira wrote for him.
GEORGE (CONT’D)
This is good. I like this one about the guy from MySpace and the guy from Craigslist getting into a fight. That's funny.
(George looks at Ira)
You're excited.
IRA
I am excited.
GEORGE
That's good. It's good to be excited. I used to be excited.
IRA
It's awesome. It's exciting.
24 INT./EXT. TARMAC - LATER 24
The limo pulls onto a runway, up to a private jet. Ira is wowed. The CREW waits outside the plane, including a pretty flight attendant.
GEORGE
You brought the nice legs with you.
Good job.
The CAPTAIN shakes hands with Ira.
DAVE
Welcome aboard.
IRA
Thank you.
26.
(CONTINUED)
DAVE
The name's Dave.
IRA
Hi, Dave.
DAVE
We might hit a few bumps up there.
Nothing too crazy, we'll get you there.
IRA
Okay, cool.
DAVE
Hope you enjoy Chinese food.
IRA
I love it!
25 INT. BALLROOM - NIGHT 25
DAN from MySpace walks George and Ira into the room. It's a giant room that holds a thousand people at banquet tables.
DAN
Guys, you were late, so we had to put on James Taylor first.
ON STAGE - James Taylor finishes up “Carolina In My Mind” at a huge corporate event.
IRA
How'd you guys get him?
DAN
Everybody's got their price. Last year we had Roger Waters doing “Dark Side of the Moon.”
Dan leads Ira and George through the ballroom, as Ira pitches last-minute jokes to George.
IRA
Okay, I thought it could be funny if you just go, “Fuck Facebook in the face.”
GEORGE
Right. Hey, you do five minutes before I go up there.
27.
24 CONTINUED: 24
(CONTINUED)
IRA
What? No. I can't follow “Fire & Rain.”
GEORGE
I can't follow it either, that's why you're going up there.
INT. BALLROOM - MOMENTS LATER
George and Ira watch James Taylor finish up his set from the balcony. The crowd goes crazy for him.
JAMES
Thank you, MySpace. Fuck Facebook!
The crowd stands and cheers. Ira is stunned. George laughs.
stun :びっくりさせる 呆然とさせる 衝撃 失神
IRA
That's my Facebook joke. He did the Facebook joke. I can't follow this, I can't go on right now.
GEORGE
Get up there. Be a man.
男になれ 覚悟を決めろ
26 INT. STAGE - NIGHT 26
Ira's on stage doing his act. It's not going well.
IRA
This is a pretty big room. A lot of people here. Let's have another round of applause for James Taylor, everybody.
ANGLE ON George talking to Tom from MySpace.
TOM
You actually use MySpace?
GEORGE
I fuck girls, Tom. I don't have time for that.
28.
25 CONTINUED: 25
(CONTINUED)
IRA
I wonder, if Tom and Craig from Craigslist ever got into a fight with each other, who would win that fight? That's what I want to know. Tom or Craig? Who's tougher?
Ira looks backstage toward George, uneasy, but plows ahead.
IRA (CONT’D)
Tom has more friends, so that's probably good. Craig has weirder friends, though. Craig has friends that are willing to do a lot more for cash.
CUT TO the wings of the stage. Ira's walking off stage. George is annoyed.
GEORGE
What the fuck was all that about?
You did three of the jokes you wrote for me.
IRA
I'm sorry. I panicked. That's all they wanted. They just wanted MySpace jokes.
GEORGE
That's why I hired you, to write me MySpace jokes.
Ira takes out the long list of jokes he's written.
IRA
I didn't tell that one. That one will work, I guarantee it.
GEORGE
It better work. They're paying me three hundred grand.
grand : 1000ドル
ANGLE ON TOM on stage.
TOM
Ladies and gentlemen, George Simmons!
IRA
Really?
29.
26 CONTINUED: 26
(CONTINUED)
George walks out on stage and takes the microphone. Huge applause.
GEORGE
Alright Tom, thank you. Good evening nerds! Yes, what about Ira, everybody? How'd you feel about Ira Wright? That guy, he is such a fucking nerd, I can't believe he doesn't work with you people.
nerd, nurd : 馬鹿 くず
The crowd laughs.
GEORGE (CONT’D)
Tom started MySpace just to get friends, I know it. They say the more friends you have on MySpace the less friends you have in real life. “I have a hundred-thousand friends on MySpace, isn't that nice? Isn't that great I have so many friends on the computer?”
“What are you doing tonight?” “I’ll be on the computer.”
「私はコンピューターに所にいるよ」 転じて、「ネットをするよ」 という言い方。
I will enjoy the internet. でもいいだろうが、このような表現も覚えておくと良いだろうな。この辺が、英会話力の差になるのではないだろうか。そんな感じがする。
James Taylor and Ira watch George's set. The crowd loves it.
IRA
Do you get tired singing the same songs over and over?
あなたは何度も何度も同じ歌を歌って飽きてきませんか。
JAMES
Do you ever get tired of talking about your dick?
Back on George.
GEORGE
It’s always shocking when a girl blows you, you're like really? I got some advice for the ladies out there. When you are performing that act on a fellow, don't ever say,
“You know, you're the first guy I ever got the whole thing in my mouth. Normally, I get like halfway down and I just start fucking choking. But with you, I got a ball in my mouth. That's never happened.
Look, I have them in my mouth right now and I'm speaking perfectly clear. Normally I have a stutter.”
stutter : どもる どもり 口ごもる 口ごもること
30.
26 CONTINUED: (2) 26
(CONTINUED)
The crowd all laughs.
27 INT. BALLROOM - LATER 27
Everyone is beginning to leave. Ira walks up to George.
GEORGE
That wasn't a pee, that was a shit.
pee : おしっこ
That took too long. Here's a thousand bucks.
Ira's eyes widen.
GEORGE (CONT’D)
Good job.
IRA
Thank you so much. I've never made this much money doing anything.
Thank you.
GEORGE
Good. I'm thinking about doing a lot more stand-up. And my assistant got pregnant. I didn't even know she, I thought she was a fucking lesbian the whole time.
IRA
They can get pregnant, too.
GEORGE
That's nice. That's very nice. So you want to assist me? You know? I mean, you can write jokes for me too.
IRA
Whatever you need, man.
あなたが必要とされるなら何でも。
GEORGE
Get me sodas and clean my shit up?
IRA
Yeah.
GEORGE
How much money do you make now?
31.
26 CONTINUED: (3) 26
(CONTINUED)
IRA
Oh, it depends on how many hours.
どのくらいの時間（働くか）によるのです＝時給でもらっています
Usually?
GEORGE
I'll give you $1500 a week.
IRA
That's amazing, man. Thank you so much.
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